My first little Numb3rs ficlet!
Sep. 18th, 2005 10:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
josselinYay! I wrote a little Don/Charlie ficlet. I am so pleased. Thank you to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
julad and pandoraiam for helping me fix the last paragraph when I didn't like it.
They don't kiss.
Charlie'd tried it, but the first two times Don had pushed his face away and the third time he pulled on Charlie's hair, hard, and Charlie shouted out and his scalp hurt for a week afterward when he rubbed it in the shower or absentmindedly while staring at a blackboard.
He'd thought maybe Don didn't kiss at all—he'd seen a porn video once (one of Don's, of course), where one of the guys made some comment about only pansies and pussy-lovers liking to kiss—but he was older now, much older, and he knew that wasn't true. It wasn't true that men didn't like to kiss, obviously. Don didn't have their father's old-fashioned romance that involved walking girls up to their doorsteps, but he had a boyish affection with women that included celebratory kisses when the team scored and sleepy ones while cuddling in front of a movie.
But it wasn't true that Don didn't kiss men at all, either, because when Billy Cooper had popped back into town for a visit Don's weekend plans had suddenly all been canceled and Charlie'd seen Don push Billy up against a wall and lean in close, cover Billy's smirk with his own lips.
Don kissed other men, but not him, and Charlie could only speculate as to why, guess that kissing reminded Don of when their mother kissed them goodnight in little twin beds with brightly-colored trains on the sheets, of when Don tackled little Charlie to floor and blew raspberries on his stomach until Charlie screamed helpless for their mother—Charlie had been kind of a wuss as a kid, always running to cling to Mom's leg, and that had pissed Don off.
“You need to work out your problems with Don yourself,” Mom had told him, prying him off her leg for awkward conversations where they both sat on the couch and Charlie said things like, “I don't like it when you don't let me play Captain Archer with you!” and Don said things like, “Mom, God!” and gave reluctant insincere apologies for picking on him. Charlie knew that now Don felt a little bad for being mean as a kid, but Charlie felt that it was his own fault, that Don wouldn't have picked on him if he hadn't been so annoying, so clingy, so desperate.
He doesn't try to kiss Don anymore. He's seen Don get irritable when Kim asks too many times if Don's coming out to the bar and he's seen Don ask Billy to stay in town longer and Billy shake his head and throw his bags in his trunk. Charlie hopes, desperately, that if he doesn't cling, if he doesn't talk about it, if he doesn't go running off to Mom's grave to cry, if he doesn't say try to hang out too much and if he doesn't actually ring the bell when he rides by Don's apartment, maybe this time Don won't hate him. Maybe Don will still call him to come over to the office, still stop by Dad's place for a beer after work, still visit him out in the garage and flop down with him on the mattress after jerking him off, still go down to the basement first to turn on the light and check for giant spider webs. When they were little Don made up all the rules for their games and Charlie used to complain that Don kept changing them. Now Charlie thinks he's finally learning how to play.
julad and pandoraiam for helping me fix the last paragraph when I didn't like it.They don't kiss.
Charlie'd tried it, but the first two times Don had pushed his face away and the third time he pulled on Charlie's hair, hard, and Charlie shouted out and his scalp hurt for a week afterward when he rubbed it in the shower or absentmindedly while staring at a blackboard.
He'd thought maybe Don didn't kiss at all—he'd seen a porn video once (one of Don's, of course), where one of the guys made some comment about only pansies and pussy-lovers liking to kiss—but he was older now, much older, and he knew that wasn't true. It wasn't true that men didn't like to kiss, obviously. Don didn't have their father's old-fashioned romance that involved walking girls up to their doorsteps, but he had a boyish affection with women that included celebratory kisses when the team scored and sleepy ones while cuddling in front of a movie.
But it wasn't true that Don didn't kiss men at all, either, because when Billy Cooper had popped back into town for a visit Don's weekend plans had suddenly all been canceled and Charlie'd seen Don push Billy up against a wall and lean in close, cover Billy's smirk with his own lips.
Don kissed other men, but not him, and Charlie could only speculate as to why, guess that kissing reminded Don of when their mother kissed them goodnight in little twin beds with brightly-colored trains on the sheets, of when Don tackled little Charlie to floor and blew raspberries on his stomach until Charlie screamed helpless for their mother—Charlie had been kind of a wuss as a kid, always running to cling to Mom's leg, and that had pissed Don off.
“You need to work out your problems with Don yourself,” Mom had told him, prying him off her leg for awkward conversations where they both sat on the couch and Charlie said things like, “I don't like it when you don't let me play Captain Archer with you!” and Don said things like, “Mom, God!” and gave reluctant insincere apologies for picking on him. Charlie knew that now Don felt a little bad for being mean as a kid, but Charlie felt that it was his own fault, that Don wouldn't have picked on him if he hadn't been so annoying, so clingy, so desperate.
He doesn't try to kiss Don anymore. He's seen Don get irritable when Kim asks too many times if Don's coming out to the bar and he's seen Don ask Billy to stay in town longer and Billy shake his head and throw his bags in his trunk. Charlie hopes, desperately, that if he doesn't cling, if he doesn't talk about it, if he doesn't go running off to Mom's grave to cry, if he doesn't say try to hang out too much and if he doesn't actually ring the bell when he rides by Don's apartment, maybe this time Don won't hate him. Maybe Don will still call him to come over to the office, still stop by Dad's place for a beer after work, still visit him out in the garage and flop down with him on the mattress after jerking him off, still go down to the basement first to turn on the light and check for giant spider webs. When they were little Don made up all the rules for their games and Charlie used to complain that Don kept changing them. Now Charlie thinks he's finally learning how to play.
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 05:56 pm (UTC)(Sorry, I had my head stuck in a challenge fic. Damn deadlines!)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 08:19 pm (UTC)And so did you! Congrats on meeting your challenge deadline!
the last bit is better than what you sent
Isn't it? It took me a while of staring at it and being irritated before I figured out what to do--Julad and Rei helped me out, too.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 09:27 pm (UTC)Thanks!
It makes sense to me that things are messed up in their heads too. Actually, I find it impossible to imagine any sort of sexual feelings between them without both of them being pretty seriously messed up about it. :)
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Date: 2005-09-18 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 10:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-18 11:55 pm (UTC)I like this because it's like another version of the "door scene". You know the one I mean? Poor, pretty, screwed up Charlie. He can never have everything he wants from Don, but he'll desperately take any crumbs he can get. I want to pet him and tell him he's pathetic at the same time. Mostly pet him though.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-19 01:19 am (UTC)Hahaha. Well, Wrenlet has another challenge deadline coming up next week, I believe, so we should see more from her soon. My life is so unpredictable I can't make any promises, but I am hopeful.
I'm not entirely sure which door scene you mean...
I want to pet him and tell him he's pathetic at the same time.
Yes, me too! People longing for things they shouldn't long for are both pathetic and impossibly endearing.